Reciprocity - The Power of Giving First

Reciprocity Isn’t Just Polite - It’s Persuasive

Why do we feel compelled to return a favor - even when it wasn’t asked for?

According to renowned behavioral scientist Dr. Robert Cialdini, it’s because reciprocity is hardwired into us. In his seminal book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he identifies reciprocity as one of the seven universal principles of influence that shape human behavior across cultures, industries, and eras.

Defined simply: people feel obliged to give back to those who gave first. It’s not just social etiquette - it’s a survival mechanism rooted in evolutionary psychology. When applied strategically and ethically, it becomes one of the most reliable ways to generate trust, goodwill, and action in business.

So the question isn’t whether reciprocity works. The question is: are you using it intentionally?

Evidence That Giving First Works (Even in a Candy Store)

Let’s start small. In one behavioral experiment, customers entering a chocolate shop were randomly given a small piece of chocolate. The result? They were dramatically more likely to make a purchase afterward - often something other than chocolate.

Why? Because receiving even a small gift activated the reciprocity instinct. They felt a subtle pull to balance the scale.

Now let’s go big.

Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger once gifted Dr. Cialdini a share of Berkshire Hathaway A- stock. As of May 7, 2025, the price of Berkshire Hathaway Class A stock (BRK.A) is approximately $776,164.68. Why? Munger explained that Cialdini’s work on influence had helped them make so much money that they owed him. It was an extraordinary (and expensive) gesture, but one that speaks volumes: even billionaires feel the urge to repay when value has been given first.

These examples - one everyday, one legendary - highlight the same principle: the act of giving activates a deep-seated motivation to give back.

Beyond Gifting: The Many Faces of Reciprocity

Giving in business isn’t about chocolates or stock options. It’s about offering something genuinely valuable before asking for something in return. And the most effective forms of giving are often non-material:

• A key insight no one else has offered yet
• A high-quality resource or tool tailored to your prospect’s pain point
• A surprising moment of emotional generosity - like remembering a detail or offering encouragement during a tough week

Even the mood you create in your first interaction matters. Research shows that people are more likely to reciprocate a positive emotional experience. That could be as simple as giving clarity in a confusing conversation or sparking a laugh in a high-stress moment.

One of the most scalable ways to do this is through “mass reciprocity” - giving away useful content in the form of podcasts, short videos, or value-packed newsletters (like this one). By planting value in people’s minds before they ever become buyers, you make the ground fertile for future action.

Subtitle: Supercharging Reciprocity with Personalization

Want to make reciprocity even more powerful?

Make it personal.

Psychological studies show that personalized gifts or offers trigger higher gratitude and stronger loyalty. A generic white paper has limited power. But when you say, “This reminded me of our conversation last week - thought it might help”, you’ve created a moment that feels earned and rare.

That’s when reciprocity shifts from politeness to emotional equity.

What Reciprocity is NOT

Reciprocity is not about manipulation. It’s not about giving to get. In fact, if your giving feels transactional, it will backfire. That’s why authenticity is critical. When done right, reciprocity builds trust. When done poorly, it erodes it.

So before offering anything, ask yourself: “Is this genuinely useful for them, even if they never give anything back?”

If the answer is yes, you’re on the right track.

Combining Reciprocity with Other Influence Principles

Reciprocity becomes even more effective when paired with other principles like liking, authority, and unity. For instance, giving a tailored insight from someone’s own industry taps not just into reciprocity but into social proof and relatability. It says, “I see you - and others like you trust me.”

When multiple principles fire together, their effect compounds.

The Application Plan: Give First, Give Smart

Here’s how you can activate reciprocity in your next interaction:

• Before your next client call or pitch, prepare one meaningful insight, article, or recommendation that requires no obligation to use.
• Make it specific and personal: Tie it to a recent pain point, not a generic topic.
• Deliver it generously and without expectation: Say, “Thought this might be helpful - let me know if it resonates.”
• Observe what happens next. You’ll often find the tone of the conversation shifts. Trust increases. Resistance drops.

Remember: sales isn’t about asking - it’s about earning.

The Ethical Edge of Influence

Reciprocity, like all influence principles, is neutral. Its power lies in how you use it. When applied with integrity, it builds trust, fosters goodwill, and drives action for the right reasons.

Used manipulatively? It burns bridges, not builds them.

So ask yourself:

That’s how influence begins - not with a pitch, but with a gift.

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Swadeck Taher OSK is a Chartered Accountant (ICAEW) and a Chartered Marketer (CIM) running businesses and coaching, consulting, mentoring CEOs and entrepreneurs ranging from startups through family businesses to established top 100 companies in Mauritius. He enjoys sharing the expertise he developed over the last thirty years at senior leadership/directorship level with his clients, business partners and other budding entrepreneurs.

Swadeck is also a GTD Practitioner and a Certified GTD Trainer. He helps others experience what the Productive Experience feels like and how they too can savour stress free productivity.

Sakeenah Co Ltd is the only Certified International Partner of the David Allen Company in Mauritius.

GTD® and Getting Things Done® are registered trademarks of the David Allen Company.

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